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There’s a saying that revenge is a dish best-served cold. Read the following 13 stories and you’ll see, through tears of laughter, that revenge can be served with fish, yard sales, goats, and even sucker punches. Laughter Warning: Do Not Drink While Reading.
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1. Sucker Punch
You mess with me, you mess with all my friends. It was a normal day in high school when out of nowhere, one student sucker punched another. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the school’s “Zero Tolerance” policy required both boys to receive an in-school suspension (ISS). The rule was clear; stupid and unfair, but clear: in a violent altercation, both parties receive an ISS. With that in mind, the victim’s friends made a plan. Over the next couple months, the friends would take turns sucker punching the guy who hit their friend. Each friend experienced one ISS which was no big deal, while the jerk sat in ISS so often, he missed enough class he had to repeat the grade.
2. Oh, The Smell!
Sam divorced Julie to be with his secretary. Sam gave Julie three days to pack up and move out of their mansion. After all her belongings were out, Julie sat down for one final dinner: a nice Chardonnay with shrimp and caviar. She spent the meal stuffing the shrimp shells and caviar inside of every curtain rod. Then she left. Not long after, Sam and the secretary were plagued by an unknown smell. Cleaning crews used every tool and tactic but could not get rid of the mysterious odor. It was so bad, Sam put the house on the market but buyers walked out as soon as they walked in when the scent hit them. Julie called to see how things were going. Sam told her, and she said she would buy they place but couldn’t afford his price. He slashed it and sold it to Julie for 1/10th its worth. When Sam and the secretary moved out, she made sure to take every last thing to their new home, probably to spite Julie. She even took the curtain rods.
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3. Where’s The TP
It was a small office. There were several employees. One man fell into the habit of stinking up the sole bathroom right after lunch. It was terrible because the scent escaped the lavatory and filled the office. It got so bad, the boss sent an office-wide memo (to all six employees) reminding them that there was a larger bathroom in the lobby and to please be considerate of coworkers. Well, the Post-Lunch Pooper disregarded the message and continued Number Two-ing after lunch. Since it was his pattern, one clever but cruel coworker entered the bathroom minutes before he would do his thing, and she took all the toilet paper, even the spare rolls, and hid them in the office. Minutes later, the culprit went to the lavatory. He was in there a long time, and the office worker tried hard to not laugh out loud. When the man finally emerged, he had to spend the rest of the day with a dirty rear.
4. Free Goats
Small Office Computer Room Design
In another office in another city, a worker really upset a coworker named Joey. Joey got creative. He jumped on his computer, went to Craigslist and placed an ad. It said, “2 free goats. Habla Espanol.” He included the other guy’s phone number. Within minutes, the man’s phone started ringing. He spent the entire rest of the day fielding calls every 15 minutes or so.
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5. Unlucky Thieves
As brothers do, they take care of each other. In this case, the older one had wheels and lent his vehicle, a Jeep, to the younger so he could go on a date. Later that evening, the older brother was working his shift at the only all-night gas station in the area. At 1:00 a.m., the younger brother called the older and said, “I left the keys in the Jeep and it’s gone. Somebody stole your Jeep!” While he was still on the phone, guess what drove into the gas station?! Luckily, the gas gauge on the Jeep was busted and always pointed to E, so the thieves pulled in to fill up…right in front of the owner. The older brother played it cool. He tripped the silent alarm and then went to do his job. He filled the tank of his own vehicle. The two thieves stepped out, and the attendant quickly pocketed the keys from the ignition. When the pump shut off, the two hoods argued over who had the keys. That gave the police enough time to arrive. After the attendant explained to the two officers what happened, the police laughed really, really hard while the two stunned thieves sat cuffed in the squad car.
6. Freshman Revenge
When a college freshman was put in the upper-class dorm, he immediately became the target for pranks and jokes. But this freshman was no pushover. He bided his time, and then winter hit. From his dorm window on the top floor, he saw a bunch of guys having a snowball fight below. He knew his neighbors were not home and it was time for payback. Cue the Mission Impossible theme music. He went to the roof and hung over the slippery edge. Reaching down, he pushed open his neighbor’s windows. He returned to his apartment and taunted the guys in the courtyard, four floors below, and then he hid. Seeing the open windows above, the snowballers figured the voice came from there. Taking aim, the group spent the next 20 minutes happily launching snowball after snowball through the opened windows. Everything inside got soaked. And the freshman got a good laugh.
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7. Rejected
When Tom met whom he thought was the girl of his dreams at a bar, he couldn’t stop smiling. He returned to his friends waving his phone. “I got her number!”
One of his friends was a clever guy. “Call it,” he said. “Make sure she didn’t give you a fake number.” Tom pressed the dial key and watched his love across the bar as the phone rang in his ear. He expected her to pick up her phone, but she did not move. Ring, ring, ring.
“Hello?” and old woman said.
“Is Ginny there?”
“Huh? You’ve got the wrong number.”
Crushed but empowered, Tom strolled over to Ginny. “I don’t want to lead you on. I’m never going to call you.” He turned and walked away. His friends reported that the stunning girl appeared totally stunned.
8. Telemarketers
Jed can just about sniff a telemarketer from the ring of the phone. Okay, maybe not from the ring of the phone, but not long after he answers. You see, they can never pronounce his last name, and that’s the giveaway. It’s also the prompt for him to have some fun. After they ask for Mr. or Mrs. So and So, mauling the last name, Jed tells them to hold on. He puts the phone down and fills up a brown paper bag with air. When it’s full, he acts as if there’s a sudden intruder in the house. “WHO ARE YOU? GET OUT! NO, DON’T!” Then he pops the bag next to the phone and yells, “I’ve been shot!” When he falls, he makes sure to knock the phone to the floor. Reactions from telemarketers vary, but he scares every last one.
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9. Viral Thief
When a thoughtless college student stole the laptop of a freshman, the thief’s life turned upside down pretty quickly. The victim used a browser-based backup database to remotely access his stolen computer. He saw that the thief accessed his own Facebook account, and that gave away the thief’s identity. Here’s where it gets funny. The guy used the computer’s camera to make ridiculous videos of him dancing. The victim posted the most embarrassing one to You Tube very quickly with the title “Don’t Steal Computers Belonging to People Who Know How to Use Computers.” It went viral. The guy turned in the computer and was promptly kicked off campus. He also politely requested from his victim that the You Tube video be taken down. It’s still there with over 2 million views.
10. Billboards!
When Charles told his girlfriend, ahem, mistress, that he was going to get back with his wife, the mistress did not take it sitting down. In fact, she plastered it. The woman, YaVaughne, had money, and so she shelled out $250,000 to purchase billboards all over town. Each portrayed a photo of her and her lover with their names in big letters below the headline: You are my soulmate forever. Charles was an economic advisor to President Obama, and this forced him to admit publicly to the relationship.
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11. Lying Cheating Sale
When one wife found out that her husband of ten years was cheating on her, she waited for him to be out of town to take action. (He was actually out of town with his mistress, and he would return to a huge surprise.) The wife posted online, “Lying Cheating Sale,” and she listed all of her husband’s items she would be selling including his “favorite red leather theater seating sofas, table saw, but not his clothes. They were already burned in the driveway.” She requested that buyers not arrive too early Saturday morning as she and her friends will have been drinking wine the night prior. After the sale, she moved out and her soon-to-be ex-husband returned to an empty home….and no belongings.
12. Spam
Alan Ralsky made his business sending spam mail, the unwanted, unsolicited emails that spontaneously fill your inbox. He was so adept at it, he turned his house into a spam-sending mega-machine by installing servers that could blast a billion messages a day. Then a local Michigan newspaper ran a story about Ralsky and his business, and it included his home address. Finally, not only a name and a face behind the annoying emails but a physical address! It didn’t take long for people to sign up Ralsky to receive paper pamphlets, brochures, catalogues and all kinds of other junk mail. Thousands arrived, filling his mailbox every day. Neighbors and citizens who understood what was happening enjoyed great satisfaction as they drove by every day and saw piles of mail in, on, and around his mailbox.
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13. Stumped By The Teacher
When the small group of high school students were called to demonstrate their prepared dialogue for Spanish class, they all look incredulous. “We already went,” they said, “You forgot?!” The teacher had no recollection of this group standing in front of the class and reciting a dialogue in Spanish, but the group insisted. They also refused to “do it again.” Good liars, but the joke would be on them. The next day, the teacher apologized for not remembering their performance. She told them she found her notes from their turn. (She could also lie!) Then she dropped the bomb, letting them know that her notes showed that they made many grammatical mistakes, didn’t speak the required length of time, and also neglected to use the required vocabulary. She failed them on a project they didn’t do and they had to take the grade or admit to lying.
[Featured Image Credit: www.jimcockrum.com]
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